Guys, Here’s What It’s Actually Like To Be A Woman. This story is an exclusive chapter excerpt from MATE: Become the Man Women Want. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. Don’t beat yourself up about it, though, because it’s not your fault. Your culture has failed you and the women you’re trying to meet. We have been working with young single men in our capacities as educators, public figures and authors for more than 3.

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In that time, the most common question we’ve gotten from guys centers on how to increase their confidence with women. But there’s a much deeper problem: at least 7. Why does this matter? As a man, it is impossible to be better at mating until you understand the subjective experience of a woman, because it is fundamentally different than yours in many ways. If you can account for those differences, you will be well on your way to increased success because most men spend zero time thinking about this. The differences start from the very beginning, at our deepest primal levels. When a man interacts with a woman, his greatest fear is sexual rejection and humiliation.

This causes him to spend as much time and energy (if not more) on defensive strategies to protect against rejection as he does on mating strategies to attract women. Women are totally different. In these interactions, they are not much afraid of rejection. Rather, when a woman interacts with a man, she is afraid of being physically harmed or sexually assaulted.

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Right now you’re probably thinking the same thing we did when we first learned about this when we were young men: I’ve never hurt a woman in my life and never would. And we bet you’re right.

Women are pulling their weight in trying to understand you. If you can meet them halfway, you’re going to do great.

You are probably perfectly safe. But she doesn’t know that: when she meets you, you could be Jack Ryan, Jack Sparrow or Jack the Ripper. Any one of those is equally likely. Even more terrifying is the fact that, over the course of her life, the biggest threats to her are men she knows. Romantic Horror Movies The Barber (2015) more.

This is not some idle, irrelevant statistic. The overwhelming majority of women that suffer physical or sexual assault suffer it at the hands of a man they know intimately. And their fears don’t stop at physical harm; they are just as vulnerable to social and emotional harm, as well. Socially, you can spread lies about her or damage her reputation (with men and women), sometimes just by being associated with her. You can pretend you love her, get her pregnant and then abandon her. This is only the beginning of the harms she potentially faces at your hands. We cannot emphasize this enough: mating success requires cross- sex insight.

You need to understand how women evaluate your qualities and how they perceive the status, danger, opportunities and threats that you could present. The better you learn to see these things from women’s points of view, the less unattractive you will be to them and the less confused, resentful and frustrated you will be by how they respond to you. We’re not suggesting you have to become a gender psychologist or feminize your whole worldview. You are a man, and women like men; turning into a woman would make you less attractive to (most) women. We’re telling you to simply understand women.

And this is for the simple reason that understanding the female perspective helps you do much better with women, whatever your goal—whether it’s a one- night stand, a friend with benefits, a girlfriend or a wife. It will help you avoid and resolve arguments, saving you hours of grief. It will help you have better dates, cooler conversations and hotter sex.

It will help you to stop acting like a self- sabotaging dick. And it will also help your relationships with your mom, sisters, daughters, female friends and co- workers. To be clear: the insights in this chapter are not a collection of opinions and moralizing lessons. They are based on the best, current scientific knowledge that we have about women’s psychology and sex differences.

We’ll also focus on women’s vulnerabilities, concerns and anxieties that you might not have considered before, because these are the aspects of the female experience that have long stood between men and a greater understanding of—and success with—women. She Is Tired of Being Objectified, So Subjectify Her Instead. Go to a sports bar in any major city or college town on game day, and invariably you will run into a crew of gorgeous young women in skin- tight, cutoff referee outfits or school jerseys walking around, selling shot specials or beer buckets.

This is how everything, not just liquor, is sold to men—hand tools, shampoo, Doritos, porn, cars. All of them shamelessly use beautiful, scantily clad women with big boobs, tight asses and long legs as the vehicles to deliver their message. And it works. The problem from a mating perspective (besides the obvious ethical one) is that normal women feel this objectification acutely. On the one hand, the media have established an unrealistic expectation of beauty for them to live up to, and this makes them insecure. On the other hand, this expectation has created in women the belief that most guys care only about a woman’s boob- to- ass- to- leg ratio, which is a recipe for resentment and distrust. Here’s the thing, though: when women say, “Don’t objectify me,” they don’t mean “You’re never allowed to look at my boobs or notice my butt.” Actually, they kind of like their boobs and butts, and hope you do, too, if you’re a good guy and you also appreciate their other features, like their eyes or their opinions.

To attract women, you must be able to take their point of view and think of them not as marketing vehicles to objectify, but as living, thinking, feeling individual humans. You have to subjectify them: accept, understand and acknowledge their individual, subjective consciousness. Ironically, a great way to understand a woman’s point of view is to think of her as a marketing consumer: a savvy customer evaluating your products (traits) and ads (proofs) to see if they’ll add value to her life. If you want to guarantee mating failure, all you have to do is think of her as nothing more than an inanimate object—as an “8” or a “9,” as a simplistic robot with a set of “triggers” and “hot buttons” to manipulate. At that point you’ve reduced your customer to nothing more than a cash dispenser, or, since we’re talking about objectifying a woman, a sex dispenser. Objectifying women isn’t just a moral failure.

At the purely practical level of attracting women, it’s stupid. It might temporarily reduce your anxiety about approaching them (about making your pitch), because if you think of them as targets, you can try to trick yourself into thinking that they won’t be judging you when you walk up to them. Watch Sagrada Poster (2015) Free Online. But they are judging you—and that’s O.

K., as long as you understand how and why. She Is Physically Vulnerable, and She Knows It. Picture this example: You are a young, relatively inexperienced gay man.

You’re single, it’s Friday night after a long week and you’ve decided to go out and have some fun. You and some friends decide to check out a new gay bar that you’ve heard has a lot of hot guys. When you walk in, you encounter an overwhelming sea of men. These guys are all as tall as NBA players, as muscular as NFL linebackers and as sexually aggressive as a felon on his first night out of jail. They are all bigger, stronger, faster and hornier than you. Their heads all swivel toward you, and their eyes look you up and down like sexual Terminators.

You haven’t even met them, but you can see the gears turning behind their eyes. Any one of them could grab you, carry you out of the bar and put who knows what God knows where, and there is little you could do to stop them. You’re just a piece of meat to them.

But there’s strength in numbers, so you and your friends gather whatever sober courage you can muster and head to the bar. Soon enough, you’ve had a couple drinks, and some of these huge guys approach you and begin talking to you.